Lillian’s Second Month

Lillian Mary, this Wednesday you turned 2 months old Precious One!

Lillian Developments: You are a big, healthy, perfect little girl. As of your appointment Friday morning, here are your stats:

Weight: 12 lbs 2.5 oz (74%)
Height: 23.75″ (95%)
Clothes: 3 months
Diapers: We’re finishing out our stash of Size 1 then will head to Size 2 in a week or so.

You are such a sweet, fun, perfect baby Lillian. You are very engaged with people and the world around you, tracking objects and faces. You are smiling more each day – sometimes almost laughing and kicking your legs when you get excited. 

Not much baby acne. A little cradle cap around your eyebrows but perfect little head. Eyes looking like they’ll stay blue. Your hair is thinning out as you continue to loose some of your baby hair but a bow can make any day a good hair day. 

You are getting so strong on tummy time – really propping yourself up (the doctor was quite impressed!) – but as soon as your neck gets tired you are over it, never wanting to just rest on your tummy.

You have loved bath time from Day 1 and this continues. This month we moved you from the kitchen sink to the actual bath tub and just put you on a big sponge – never got a baby bathtub for you.

Eating: Not much new here. You nurse 6 times/day for 5-10 minutes/side and always have a few really big spit-ups each day. You also like to do your business while you’re feeding – especially the blow outs. So, thanks…

We’ve given you a bottle a couple times this month but we need to be doing it more because you take them OK but it’s definitely not as easy as nursing.

Sleep: Best. Sleeper. Ever. This month you stopped waking up during the nights so we moved you out of our room into your crib in the nursery. We lay you down each night around 10:15 pm. You’re still awake but we get you swaddled up, turn on your sound machine and give you a paci. We walk out of the room and don’t hear a peep from you all night. I am generally waking you up around 7:30 am to feed and start the day so I think you actually want to start going to bed earlier to sleep longer at night. We’re trying to figure out how to adjust the schedule 30 minutes earlier or maybe drop a feed soon? Not sure… 

Schedule: At around 5 weeks you started moving your middle-of-the-night feed to 5:30/6 am and by 6 weeks we had totally moved to a 7:30 am wakeup. I tried just dropping that night feed and keeping our same daytime schedule but you seemed to still want 6 feeds/day so we readjusted the schedule a bit and here is where we are now.

7:30 am Feed 1
10:45 am Feed 2
1:45 pm Feed 3
4:45 pm Feed 4 then short awake time followed by a longer nap.
7:15 pm Feed 5 then basically stay awake for the remainder of your day.
9:15 pm Feed 6 then change diaper, get wrapped up and go to sleep (in crib by 10:15 pm) 

Here is a screenshot from my nursing app (Baby Connect). Looking at it now, I notice that the one night that you were fussy and I fed you during the night (midnight), there is not an evening feed recorded. I know we had been out and about all day that day and been out to dinner that evening but I am pretty sure I DID remember to feed you when we got home, however…kind of suspicious that the one night you demanded to be fed during the night I don’t have her last evening feed recorded… Oops!

Fun from the month:

My first Mother’s Day with 3! A fun night away with you and Dad to Virginia wine country then big brunch with your brothers, Gigi, Pasha and Uncle Brad.

Daily sweetness:Your first Nats game!

Mom: At this point I am feeling good and am basically recovered from the birth. With the boys I hung onto about 5 extra lbs for the 13 months that I nursed but with you I seem to be keeping a little more. I’m trying to be patient with myself and my body as the “return” process just feels a little slower this third time around.

Your dad has been traveling a lot lately too – mostly for work – and this has felt like more of a push for me. We are doing fine but it often feels like there just aren’t any margins. This is true of the logistics of our every day and also just true of my capacity.

But in the midst of all of that there is so much joy and LOVE. Our family is filled with love and I am SO in love with you, Lillian. I pray that as you grow, your life would be marked by love. That you would receive the love of God poured out for you in Christ Jesus and that the Spirit of love would overflow from you to everyone in your path. I LOVE YOU Lil!

Finn: 2 yrs, 9 months

Over the years I have been pretty spotty with the blog. I like to post when I’m able to find the time, not because I actually like blogging that much, but I love being able to look back at things. I like having easy, searchable access to memories, trips and the moments with my kids. I like to record what they’re doing at different milestones but I’m not SUPER committed and often I miss some. BUT, I posted an update on Colt at this age and I want to do one on you too, Finn. 2 years 9 months may seem like a totally random point but it’s actually such a FUN age – I am constantly wanting to capture all that you’re saying and doing so here goes!

Finn developments: Precious Fincher, you are an absolute BLAST. 

How can I put your personality into words? You are a JOY and a challenge and hilarious and a mischief maker and through it all you just have this X factor. Whatever IT is, you have IT. You light up a room and totally know how to play to the crowd. You know you’re funny and can always make me laugh – even when you also make me crazy! 

Although you are generally well behaved, you’re more defiant than Colt ever was and I always wonder how much of that is just your personality, how much of it is your big brother egging you on, how much is just being a second-born…? You’re comfortable in your own skin. It’s like you just don’t care AT ALL what anyone else thinks of you or your decisions. (I’d love to borrow a little bit of that!)  Your dad and I can’t quite figure out what motivates you and your behavior. You don’t seem super motivated by discipline or consequences. You’re not really motivated by treats or rewards. You just seem to be your own person, motivated most by whatever is going on in your own little mind. It makes things fun and interesting and challenging. 

If you’re not responding to us in utter defiance then you will often seem to be OVERJOYED with whatever we have presented to you. “Finn, do you want to go to the park?” “I DO Mama YES I DO THANK YOU so much Mama!” You have GREAT inflection in your voice and eyebrows to match. I wish I could bottle that up. 

You are SUCH a talker. I call you our little narrator – always talking about whatever is going on around us. You talk more and in more detail and color than Colt did at this age but I think part of that is just keeping up with Colt and all of our conversations. Some recent quotations from the past couple days:
“Wait for me, Momma! I am coming! Let’s walk together and hold hands. You don’t want to miss me!”
(After telling you that you should ask me before turning on the hose in the backyard) “No thanks Momma, but thank you for asking.” 
“Daddy, Daddy. I have keh-stion bout dat page. Thas the chimney.” (“Yes. So what’s the question?”) “I don know. I jus said it.” (“But that was a statement.”) “No, thas a CHIMNEY!” 

You speak pretty clearly and often opt not to use contractions (“No I do NOT like that!”). The one sound that you really struggle with is the L sound which makes saying your sister’s name a little funny. Lillian has become “Yih-yian” but of course it’s adorable.

You are confident but also sometimes like to pretend to be shy.
You’re VERY snuggly and always love to cuddle and be close.

You will take my face in your sweet, soft little hands when you talk to me. You sit beside me at our dinner table always try to touch me and rub my back during meals which is sweet but also a little yucky since your are always covered in food. 

You are BEST BUDS with your big brother Colt. You copy EVERYTHING that he does. You love to play with him and do whatever he is doing.

You are still working on learning your ABC’s. Right now you know A-H, M, O, Z and maybe a handful of other ones. I think you definitely COULD learn it all right now but I never work on it with you because…#middlechild. That being said I look back and see that Colt had already mastered the alphabet AND all the letter sounds and we definitely aren’t there yet with you. You can count to 12 and are good at counting objects when they are fewer than 10.

You love to dance and have awesome moves that absolutely crack us up. My favorite is your robot.

 

You’re actually really good with all music. Although we listen to several different radio stations you have learned tons of the songs and when a song comes on you ask, “Is dis Yights Down Yo?” (“Is this Lights Down Low?”) You also remember song lyrics and are pretty good at singing songs on key on your own.

You have NOT mastered the scooter yet and this is a big bummer. I was hoping that when Lillian arrived you and Colt would both be able to scoot to/from Colt’s preschool but maybe you’ll be there by next fall. For now it seems like the idea of steering just has not connected with you and you basically just head straight off the path, often falling and then you ask to be pushed in the stroller. If we’re on a big trip we’ll use the double stroller but generally I have you walk because I think the activity and exercise is a good thing. Usually Colt smokes us but sometimes he slows down and lets you run beside him as he scoots and you two just laugh together and this is adorable. 

 

You love puzzles and as of a few months ago, you’re suddenly really good at them. I think the biggest one I’ve given you to do is 30 pieces but you can do these in your sleep so I know you could do more. You also love reading books, playing chase, building with magna-tiles, throwing rocks into water and playing in your little house in our backyard. 

Health: Praise God for your continued health and growth. You’re about 33 lbs, 37.5 ” tall wearing 3T – 4T clothes and size 6 diapers. 

You have THE MOST BEAUTIFUL blue eyes. They are a super light, crystal clear blue. And beautiful dark lashes you lucky duck. Your hair is still fine, almost baby hair, and very blonde. You have the fairest skin of the whole family – definitely showing your Irish roots. Your dad and I describe your body-type as sturdy. You’re not really chunky, just THICK. 

We have not attempted potty training with you (I’m still recovering from my last trauma of potty training Colt and am in denial that I actually have to do it again) but you do pee on the potty a few times / day. I’m hoping to tackle it sometime this summer when we’ll spend a lot more time outside (and in less clothing!). 

Feeding: You are a good eater and love to eat. Your favorites are blueberries (and all berries), oranges, cereal with milk, oatmeal, yogurt, pancakes, eggs, avocado, hummus, PBJs, cheese, sweet potatoes, broccoli, green beans, pasta, peas, salmon and anything that falls in the “snack” or “treat” category. You eat chicken and turkey every day but you’re a little less enthusiastic about it. You and Colt have very different eating styles. Colt doesn’t want any of his food to touch. He starts with his least favorite food and methodically works his way towards his favorite food (often coming home from preschool with his fruit snacks or pretzels because he ran out of time before he was able to get to his favorite) and when given sufficient time, Colt will not leave anything on his plate. You don’t mind foods mixing, you’ll get your hands (and face!) a little dirty and you eat food at random, grabbing whatever you want in the moment. You can be two bites away from finishing (and earning dessert) but if you decide you’re done, you just stop eating and are totally happy not to get a treat. 

Sleeping: Lots of changes in this category. On Christmas night we moved you from the nursery and the crib into Colt’s room and into a big-boy bed. You actually moved into the bed that Colt had been using which was MY grandfather’s old “youth bed” from when he was 5 years old! It’s in between a toddler bed and a twin and has little rails on the sides. You LOVE being in the same room with Colt and you love your bed but this change was not without some heartburn – at least for Mom and Dad. You and Colt can certainly get after each other during the day but when it’s night time and you’re supposed to be sleeping (or eating dinner or getting ready for bed) then inevitably you two get along GREAT. So great that you Can’t. Stop. Playing. We would have been happy for the two of you to chit chat, maybe play a little and then go to bed but the problem is that you guys only knew how to escalate. You would start out by talking, then you’d go over to Colt’s bed then you’d be getting out books then dumping out bins of toys, turning on the lights and jumping on the beds. Colt was more obedient if we stressed the importance of going to bed quietly but you seemed impossible. We tried lots of different strategies and ultimately we realized that you just weren’t tired at bedtime. I tried shortening your nap but the past few weeks you were protesting taking a nap at all so finally we just pulled the trigger and gave up the nap. This helps at bedtime and we are appreciating the newfound freedom in our schedule of not having the afternoon nap but it has brought it’s own set of struggles through the day. You have been melting down more in the evenings and I feel like you’re tougher throughout the day too so not exactly sure we’ve figured out what to do… This transition time when you’re outgrowing your nap but still kind of need it AND just being 2 and a half is…interesting. 🙂  

Schedule: Your current schedule is:
7:45 Wake up
7:50 Clock turns yellow – get dressed, brush teeth
8:15 Breakfast: fruit and yogurt or cereal (weekend pancakes!)
9:00 Take Colt to preschool then morning activity
— We had been doing a gymnastics class that you loved. Now we have my women’s small group on Wednesdays and we do a music class on Thursdays.
12:00 Lunch: PBJ sandwich or turkey roll ups & cheese. Fruit, etc.
12:40 Go to pick Colt up from preschool.
1:00-5:00 We used to come home after school for your nap but now we’re taking advantage of the freedom for afternoon adventures to the park, nature center, etc.
5:15-6:00 We usually do cartoons before dinner so that I can get a dinner together, feed Lillian and have you and Colt to wind down a bit.
6:00 Dinner
7:00 Bath
7:45 Bedtime routine: PJs, brush teeth, read devotional and another book or poems if we have time then lights out. Dad always does bath and bedtime if he’s home and I use that time to do dishes (and I feed Lillian at 7:30).

Mama’s Thoughts: 

Oh, Fincher! My little rascal. My buddy. My love. You are a bright, shining light in my life. Every day with you is a tremendous blessing – you bring loads of joy and laughter and FUN. Although this age is sometimes a challenge, I truly don’t want to miss a moment.

Your dad and I were talking about you the other night – how we see something so special in you, Finn. We see a spark that is unique and wonderful. We can already tell you have such an incredible spirit and so many gifts to offer this world. But there is still so much to discover about you. What will captivate you, Little One? What will excite you and get you out of bed each day? Surely this changes with the seasons and the seasons of life, but what will be the thread that runs through it all? We look at you in wonder and, as your parents, we are praying and dreaming that God would capture your attention and affection and that He would use you for His kingdom and His glory.

You are fun right now – so freakin fun –  but I always say that you are going to be an absolute BLAST to parent over the years. You keep us on our toes for sure, but the JOY you bring is unmatched. I love who you are today and am SO excited to watch and see what God has in store for you and who you are going to become.

Thank you, Lord, for putting me on this awesome journey with this awesome boy. I love you, Little Finn.  

Lillian’s 1st Month!

Lillian Mary, you turned 1 month old last night Little Love! 

Lillian Developments: As of your appointment this morning, here are your stats:

Weight: 9 lbs 10.5 oz (60%)
Height: 22.5″ (96%)
Clothes: 0-3 months
Diapers: We’re finishing out our stash of Newborn diapers then moving to Size 1 this week. 

Lillian it is such a (heart-wrenching) joy to watch you grow and develop each day. You are spending more defined time awake and asleep and we love staring into your big beautiful eyes while you’re awake. They are still a deep, dark blue – almost a navy or charcoal blue. I am so eager to know if they will stay this color or change! 

You have a little baby acne and slight flaky-baby-face but it isn’t too bad.

Your eyelashes and eyebrows have grown in a lot the past couple weeks and it seems like your hair is getting a little longer too, although you are rubbing off a little in the back where you sleep. You head is still a perfect little shape though! 

You sometimes like tummy-time but it depends on the moment. 

Eating: You’re a great eater. You nurse for 5-10 minutes / side and typically have a few good spit-ups each day. I love the sweet little noises you make while eating. You are easy and nurse anywhere from in bed with me to the playground to the church pews to the parking lot… such is life! 

You’re still 100% mama’s milk but we’ve given you a bottle a few times just to expose you to it and make sure we have the option. The goal is to give you a bottle around once/week. I am still not pumping (I hate it!!) but using these guys as milk catchers I have frozen over 250 oz already. 

Sleep: Praise the Lord for a great sleeper! You nap well in your carseat and do some short naps in your bunny seat but you sleep the best swaddled up in your bassinet or our little Moses basket (OR in someone’s arms!). 

You are pretty reliant on having a pacifier to fall asleep (especially if you’re not being held) but you are getting better at keeping it in so getting you to sleep at night or fall back asleep after your night feed is getting faster. In the beginning I was up about 1.5 hours with you for the night feed but you’ve gotten easier and lately you’ve been closer to 45 minutes start-to-finish. I’ll take it! 

Schedule: We are on a similar schedule as we were 2 weeks ago but, little by little, you are pushing your middle-of-the-night feed later and I am really hopeful that in the next month it will merge with your morning feed so we will be done waking up in the night! For now we are pretty regular:

7:30 am Morning Feed 1
11:30 am Feed 2
3:30 pm Feed 3
7:15 / 7:30 pm Feed 4
9:30pm Feed 5 then change diaper, get wrapped and go to sleep (asleep by 10:30pm)
4:30am Night Feed 6 (on demand)

Here is a screenshot from my nursing app (Baby Connect).

Notes: We have had a wonderful first month with you. When you were two weeks old (right after my last blog post), we celebrated Easter as a family of 5. It was special that your first church service was Easter Sunday. Our celebrations were very simple – just church, an egg-hunt in the backyard and brunch with Gigi and Pasha – but very sweet time together as family celebrating the Risen Christ. 

After two glorious weeks of paternity leave, Dad had to return to work. He said that he wasn’t ready to go back and I know that the rest of the family wasn’t either but it was funny how quickly and naturally everything felt normal again. You came right along for all of our everyday routines: drop-off and pick-up from Colt’s preschool. Trips to the park. Play dates with friends. Dinners in or out. You’ve just fit right in. 

Your brothers have been VERY sweet with you – always talking to you in sweet voices, rubbing you very gently, making sure that people wash or sanitize their hands before holding you, giving you soft kisses… – but more of the time they’re just busy doing their own thing or playing with each other. Your arrival seems to be a positive in their worlds but also kind of a non-event (sorry!). 

You’re a lucky little girl to have such sweet, fun big brothers. 

During Dad’s first week back at work Nana Harper came to visit! She was here Wednesday night – Sunday morning and we had such fun with her. She did a lot of playing with your brothers but also loved snuggling you. She couldn’t get over your beautiful dark hair. 

Then last weekend she was in town again for some meetings and spend another couple days with us. She watched Colt and Finn one afternoon while Dad and I took you with us for a little day-date. It was a beautiful day so we strolled to Clarendon, sat outside, had white wine and oysters and just fully enjoyed ourselves. 

We’ve taken you to church the past 3 weeks and you’ve hardly made a peep. Since you eat at 11:30 am (and the past couple weeks we’ve gone to the 11 am service) I’ve just fed you right in the sanctuary during the sermon. We sit towards the back and try not to be distracting but you’re just so easy!

This past Sunday Dad took off for a week-long work trip to Brazil (he’ll get back Saturday morning) and that was hard for all of us. He was not ready to leave you for that long and I cried for a solid 5 minutes after his car pulled away. You are so easy and your brothers are good too but the logistics of it alone – even when everything is running perfectly smoothly – is exhausting. Thankfully my mom came Monday evening and will be here to help us throughout the week.

Mom: In some ways, my adjustment with you has been the easiest. My physical recovery has been easier, less painful, faster. Nursing was second nature. I feel like I know what I’m doing with you and am not stressed out, reading books or worrying. I’m already a stay-at-home mom and have an existing structure and routine that you have melded into (versus a baby completely altering what daily life looks like). Colt and Finn have each other and are such great friends that they continue on in their normal as well. I’m certainly tired – doing everything I was doing before but now with less sleep and one more person to care for (who I literally sustain with my own body), and the days are demanding, but none of that stuff has felt like a huge adjustment.

And yet, something about your arrival has really hit me hard. You have such a special place in my heart. I was holding you yesterday and was just in tears with the joy and the heartbreak of it all. It’s almost too much for me to handle.

The JOY and the BLESSING of YOU, sweet one, just as you are. Of your precious little body and head and eyes. Of your perfect, funny sounds and amazing baby smells. Of all that we can see and know of you today and of all the mystery that we have yet to discover.

And the HEARTBREAK of experiencing that joy within the relentless passage of time. Of course there is so much joy in that as well but for me, there is something different about it with you. Watching you grow hurts a little more. Seeing days tick by on the calendar constantly reminds me that I can’t freeze time and keep everything just as it is. I feel it in my chest and it feels heavy for some reason.

Maybe I’m just getting older or maybe it’s still the hormones but it reminds me that, ultimately we were not created for this world where we are so bound by time and an eventual end. No – we were created for timelessness and life eternal. And that, Little One, is my prayer for you. That God would excite your heart by His HIGHER offer of life through Him. That you would see that there are limits on what this world can provide but through Christ there is MORE. I pray that you would be captivated by the beauty of Jesus, the power of the Holy Spirit and the worthiness of our Father.

I love you Lillian! 

Lillian: Weeks 1 & 2

Weeks 1-2: March 16 – 30
Last night at 11pm Lillian turned two weeks old and if I could rewind time and relive these past two weeks all over again, I absolutely would. 

Hospital Stay: Lillian was born at Virginia Hospital Center. My doctors’ office is connected to the hospital so I checked in just after my 11am appointment around 11:45. I was in triage until 4pm then in Labor and Delivery through the evening. Lillian was born at 11:04pm, we got to our recovery room by 1am and we left the hospital around noon on Sunday. Overall the hospital stay was very nice. The staff were all wonderful and while it was not quite as fancy as our Brazil hospital experience, I have no complaints. 

Better than hospital food – sushi & champagne!

I think the biggest concern I’d had about the hospital stay was worrying where Colt and Finn would be. However, since my mom had arrived the night before and was taking care of the boys I was completely at peace. She is an unbeatable combination of fun, loving and capable – she even took Colt to his early morning swimming lesson before bringing the boys to the hospital to meet Lillian on Saturday. 

It was so much fun to introduce Lillian to her big brothers and to her grandmother on Saturday. The boys were great with her and Gigi was instantly in love. 

While we were at the hospital we also got to see two sets of friends from church. One couple had also just had their third baby less than 24 hours after Lillian and they were in the room across the hall from us! And our other friends, Chad and Mallory (pregnant with their first!) were sweet enough to bring us Starbucks on Sunday morning! 

I was certainly grateful for the time we had at the hospital for me to rest and focus exclusively on Lillian and on my own recovery, but by the time we left the hospital on Sunday we were definitely ready to get home to our boys, to our own bed and to just get started on life as a family of 5.

March 18: Heading home!

Lillian Medical:

Monday March 19: First appointment at the pediatricians’ office

Weight: 8lbs 3oz at birth on Friday night. That following Monday morning, Lillian weighed 7lbs 12oz. This past Thursday, March 29 (her almost 2 week appointment) she weighed in at 8lbs 4.5oz.
Height: 20.5″ at birth. This past Thursday she measured 21.75″. Doubt she’s grown that much but hard to get a perfect measurement on an infant!
Clothes: Moving from newborn to 0-3. She’s just too long for the newborn clothes!
Diapers: Still using Newborn.
Other: Lillian was born with a sweet head of dark hair, thickest in the back. She has a double cowlick right in the middle of her forehead so I guess that means she’ll have a middle part? She has darker hair and overall coloring than the boys had (although that’s not saying too much!). Her eyes are a deep, dark blue making me wonder if they’ll actually stay blue. Her skin is perfect (no baby acne like her brothers – at least not yet) and she lost her umbilical cord on Day 11.

 

Feeding: I am so thankful for the gift of being able to nurse my kids. Before I had Colt I knew of several moms who wanted to nurse and tried to nurse but for one reason or another, it didn’t work out for them so I have never taken nursing for granted.  Thankfully it has come pretty naturally to all of my kids and it has gotten easier and less painful for me each time. 

I think my body has regulated it’s milk supply more with each baby too so it is not quite as messy of a process as it has been in the past. And, related to this (I think), Lillian does not spit up nearly like the boys did either. She spits up a little after most feeds but it’s so much easier, cleaner and less of an ordeal than what we went through with Colt and Finn.

Although she’s a good, efficient nurser (usually just 5-10 minutes/side), she’s not the hungriest baby of all time. I am still waking her for almost all of her feeds during the day (and I’m not feeding her THAT often for her age – see schedule below) and she usually doesn’t eat enough to make me feel totally relieved. It’s my “policy” to try not to pump for the first few weeks so that my body learns to regulate the supply, but in order to give myself more relief, I’ve been using these manual pumps during some of my feeds. I just suction one onto whichever side I’m not feeding her and then get the dual benefits of 1) personal relief and 2) milk storage! We are only 2 weeks in (and I didn’t use these until a day or two after we were home from the hospital) and already we’ve stored over 170 oz of milk in the freezer just by collecting the excess milk from feeds!

With each of my kids, nursing has been a special, cherished time with them and this continues to be true with Lillian. I love that nursing forces me to stop and sit with my baby. Of course there are plenty of times where I need to multitask and do other things at the same time but whenever I can or to whatever degree is possible in the moment, I try to use that time to just enjoy her and soak her up. 

Sleep: Lillian is a good little sleeper although I’m always hesitant to make grand claims this early since most all new babies are sleepy! At night she sleeps swaddled up and so far we still have her in the bassinet in our room. During the day she usually naps in her little bunny seat, the old Moses basket that I used to nap in as a baby! or in someone’s arms (preferably mine!!). She definitely likes her pacis but is still learning how to keep them in her mouth as she’s drifting off to sleep. Sometimes she can be very tired but will struggle to sleep if she loses her paci. Other times she falls asleep without them at all! 

Schedule: After a few days we started trying to move from a routine to a schedule with Lillian. She was naturally giving me one or two pretty long stretches between feeds but I had to wake her in the morning and during the day to make sure she gave them to me at night so on Day 4 we started this schedule:

7:30am Morning Feed 1
10:30/11am Feed 2
1:30/2pm Feed 3
4:30/5pm Feed 4
7/7:30pm Feed 5
9:30pm Feed 6 then get ready for 10:30pm wrapped up, in bed, lights out
2:30/3:30am Night Feed 7

This was fine but a couple days ago, when I was still waking her up for almost every one of her daytime feeds, I decided to drop one and space them out a bit more. Now we are on this schedule (which is very similar to what I was doing with Finn at this point):

7:30am Morning Feed 1
11:30/12pm Feed 2
3:30/4pm Feed 3
7:30pm Feed 4
9:30pm Feed 5 then get ready for 10:30pm wrapped up, in bed, lights out
2:30/3:30am Night Feed 6

This has been great for me so far for a few reasons. First, I am only getting up once/night to feed. I am still waking up, feeding, changing her diaper, wrapping her back up and helping her fall asleep again (usually by giving her the paci a few times) so I’m still usually up for 1-2 hours during the night but for a newborn, I can’t complain.

Secondly, it’s really nice to be going to bed each night at my normal bedtime and starting the day each morning at the normal time when I get up with the boys anyway. Michael has been on paternity leave for the past two weeks and has been responsible for responding to Colt & Finn each morning but on Monday he’ll go back to work and I need to be prepared to be fully available for the boys when their clock turns yellow at 7:50am so a 7:30am feed time is a good first morning feed for me.

Lillian: Oh my goodness you are perfection personified. You are such a sweet treasure and bring so much new joy to our home. 

You aren’t much of a crier but you do squawk – kind of like a bird or maybe a cat? when you’re upset (usually tired but needing help falling asleep). You love to be held and snuggled and love bath time! 

First 2 Weeks: Although we have spent the bulk of our time snuggled up at home, you have gotten out and about a little bit and have met quite a few friends and family.

You spent a few days with my mom and you have gotten to meet my dad (“Pasha”) a couple of times but somehow I still don’t have a picture of the two of you!

Uncle Brad came by to visit and snuggle you.

During your first week home we had a big snow!

You preferred to stay snuggled up inside by the fire.

We celebrated your 1 week birthday!

Holding your own with the Harper boys!

Out for pizza with the family!

At the first sign of spring weather, the boys worked in the yard.

And we supervised.

Playing in the park.

Good Friday: Morning brunch followed by Stations of the Cross at church.

Meeting your great Aunt Patsy.

Mama Postpartum: Recovery-wise this has been my best/easiest recovery. Of course recovering from delivering a baby while simultaneously nursing and caring for a newborn and being a mom to two toddler boys is NO small thing (thank you very much) BUT it has been so much better than my recovery experience with the boys. And although I’m certainly hormonal and emotional (mostly feeling protective and sentimental about my sweet tiny baby!), I am also less hormonal and more stable / feeling like myself than I did after the boys as well. All of this has played a big part in allowing me to really ENJOY these early, newborn days with Lillian and that in turn has made me feel extremely bonded to her. 

There’s also something about a third that is easier to enjoy in other ways too. You aren’t stressed about the small things. You aren’t reading any baby books. You know what to expect from your body’s recovery, from nursing, from feeding schedules and sleeping schedules. That’s not to say that each birth and baby isn’t totally unique and there are always little surprises for you along the way, but you breathe a little easier with the third. Your older kids can play together, with each other while you nurse or snuggle the baby. And you can look at those older kids and see how quickly this all goes by.

Holding Lillian almost feels like trying to hold onto sand as it’s slipping through my fingers. I feel desperate to freeze time and keep her in this stage, as a sweet and tiny baby. Before she was born, I was pretty sure that this would be my last pregnancy but within hours of her birth I was wanting more. I just don’t know how to wrap my head around this being my LAST. The last time I’ll check into labor and delivery. The last time I’ll get a brand new, slimy baby put on my chest. The last time I’ll nurse. The last time I’ll go through newborn diapers and newborn clothes. The last, the last, the last… I’m in tears even writing this. I had hoped to feel a sense of confidence and peace about (potentially) being done with this stage, and perhaps that will come in time, but right now the thought of it is excruciating.

Showing you your room for the first time.

Precious Lillian, what a sweet gift from God you are. You have won my heart completely. 

Lillian’s Birth Story

Wednesday, March 14: 39 weeks

9:45 am I have my 39 week checkup with my OB. For the past few weeks I have been increasingly dilated so I’m not too surprised when she says that the baby is super low and I’m 4+ cm.

I had been hoping for her to sweep my membranes since that’s what sent me into labor with Finn, but Michael and I had talked about things the night before and decided it would be best not to do anything intentional until Friday so that he could finish out the workweek and so that we could have my mom up here to be with the boys should we need to rush off to the hospital. The doctor says that she thinks my body and baby are both ready so I schedule a followup for Friday. In the meantime I get the house in order, go to the grocery store and try to prepare everything just in case…

Friday, March 16: 39 weeks 2 days

1:00 am My mom arrives! She has been super busy with work but drove through the evening into the night to be sure that she would be here for me and for our family if we need her on Friday. I am so thankful for her commitment to all of us. Her arrival gives me the greatest peace of mind and now I know that we are really ready to have this baby.

10:00 am Right before heading off to the doctor. My mom would laugh whenever she caught my profile and insisted on taking a picture.

11:00 am Michael is at work, Colt is at school and Finn and my mom come with me to my doctor’s appointment. Dr. Elliot checks me and immediately asks me if I’m having contractions. I tell him that while I feel some occasionally and have been having a little bit of cramping, I certainly don’t think I’m in labor and it’s so far been nothing to write home about. He tells me that I’m already around 5 cm and he’d like for me to check into triage to get monitored for a couple of hours to see what my body is really doing. He thinks I’m closer to active labor than I realize and just wants to watch it a bit before sending me home.

Another doctor walks us through over to the maternity ward of the hospital and helps me get checked in. My mom and Finn are with me and while I’m totally comfortable and not nervous at all, I’m still thankful not to be checking in alone. I call Michael and ask him to wrap up at the office and come straight to the hospital. He has all of our bags in his car already so he’s ready. Meanwhile I change into the lovely beige, tan and olive green gown and Finn covers me with stickers.

WHO designs these gowns??????

12:30 pm It’s almost time to pick Colt up from school and my mom doesn’t want to leave me until Michael arrives at the hospital so I call my girlfriend, Beth, and she graciously, happily offers to pick up Colt along with her two boys and keep him for a couple hours before bringing him back to our house that afternoon.

1:00 pm Michael arrives at the hospital. It is exciting to see him. It somehow feels like this might really be happening… My mom takes Finn home and she’ll be there waiting for Colt when Beth drops him off. Everything in triage is fine except I have 1 regular nurse and 1 nurse who is still in training, shadowing the first nurse. The nurse in training tries to set up my IV and after two failed attempts (one of which left me with a nasty bruise), the other nurse saves things and finally gets it on the third try.

3:00 pm Dr. Elliot comes in and reads the results from the monitors. He determines that I’m having regular contractions, every 7 minutes or so. He checks me and says that I’m more open, 5+ cm and 90% effaced. He says he’d like me to go ahead and check into labor and delivery. He tells me that he’s a little concerned that if I went home I’d accidentally “blow this baby out” in the shower or something and there are a few reasons that would not be ideal – for them and for me!

1) This is a VBAC (albeit my second) so ideally they do want to monitor my labor.
2) During this pregnancy I tested positive for GBS so they want me to get 1-2 rounds of antibiotics in my system before delivery.
3) I’m pretty sure I’ll want an epidural. And my labor with Finn was quick (3-4 cm – fully dilated in 2.5 hours) so all along my doctors have asked me to come to the hospital sooner rather than later.

Ultimately Michael and I agree that we’re ready to do this.

4:00 pm We are settled into our labor and delivery room and our nurse tells us it’s the best one – big and right across from the “patient refreshment room.” I get hooked up to the monitors and start my first round of penicillin. It burns like crazy so I put an ice pack on my arm for the half-hour as it’s going in. I am doing intermittent monitoring so I am able to get up and walk around. Even when I’m on the monitors I can at least stand or sit on the birthing ball.

No pain!

6:45 pm Dr. Elliot swings by and asks how I’m doing. I tell him that I still don’t feel active labor so we start low-dose pitocin (level 1).

7:15 pm My contractions are regular, every 4 minutes or so, but still not painful. I am a little concerned that I’m still not in “real labor” – it feels weird to be at the hospital and not be in pain. I have had a popsicle and some jello and am grateful that I had a big breakfast that morning.

7:30 pm We increase pitocin to level 2.

8:30 pm I start my second round of penicillin and it burns even more than the first. My contractions have become more irregular so we up the pitocin to level 3.

9:30 pm Dr. Elliot comes in and says I’m 6+ cm. He says he wants to go ahead and “let some water out.” I’m still not in pain so I express my 2 concerns:

1) I don’t want to have my water broken and then not go into labor and end up with another c-section and
2) I have read that pitocin and inductions don’t always go well with VBACs so I’m a little afraid of uterine rupture.

Dr. Elliot says that at 6+ cm he’s not concerned about me not going into labor and he feels like if we break my water then I won’t need any more pitocin. I have to get a new round of antibiotics every 4 hours which puts me due for my next round at 12:30 am. He tells me that we’ll have the baby before that which seems hard for me to believe considering I’m still not in any real pain.

He goes ahead and breaks my water and aside from the gross feeling of the fluid coming out, it doesn’t really hurt. After he leaves I ask my nurse, Kelly, if I should go ahead and order my epidural. It feels funny to ask for one when I’m not hurting but she encourages me to go ahead and get it. The next couple contractions feel about 5x stronger/more painful than before so I ask her to call it in. Within minutes I’m in so much more pain – I can’t believe how breaking my water changed things so quickly and so drastically.

10:20 pm The anesthesiologist comes in and begins to administer the epidural. He says it takes about 15 minutes to fully set it. I’m really hurting now and tell him it doesn’t seem to be helping. He asks me to wait until 10:38 pm before “pushing the button” to increase the dosage.

10:40 pm I have not felt ANY relief so we push the button but I’m struggling.

10:45 pm Nurse Kelly checks me and says I’m 9+ cm and will be pushing soon. She starts setting up the delivery table and pages Dr. Elliot. The epidural does not seem to have done anything and I’m suddenly feeling a ton of pressure. She calls Dr. Elliot again and tells me to try to breathe, not to push.

10:50 pm Dr. Elliot comes in and starts getting all ready for delivery. The contractions are still coming but I have a constant feeling of pressure that will not let up. He is coaching me to breathe through it until he’s ready.

10:57 pm It’s time to start pushing. In Brazil there were lots of people – doctors and nurses – in the room when I was delivering. Here there is just Dr. Elliot, Nurse Kelly, Michael and me so Michael has to hold one of my legs which I’m not expecting or thrilled about. He is less fazed by it and jumps right in, excited and encouraging me that we are close to meeting our daughter. As I’m pushing, Dr. Elliot asks my nurse to check the baby’s heart rate and the way they’re telling me to push makes me feel like something urgent is happening. It almost feels like they’re mad at me. Or maybe they just want me to keep going because we’re close. I am trying as hard as I can. It’s so intense. Dr. Elliot asks me if I want to feel her head but I don’t. Even in the moment it weirds me out but it does make me realize she’s close.

11:04 pm Lillian Mary Harper is born. I can’t believe it. They put her on my chest and my first thought is that she’s perfectly beautiful but not crying. Nurse Kelly messes with her a little and gets her to cry. They tell me that the cord had been around her neck but it was “loose” and totally fine. I’m not sure what that means but it makes me hold onto her extra tight. 

Michael cuts the cord and we snuggle our baby and call her by her name as my doctor gets me all cleaned up. They let me hold her for a long time before taking her to weigh in and she seems so alert and just beautiful. I notice that she has a lot of dark hair, darker than either of our boys. She has tiny ears and the sweetest little hands. She feels new to me – like meeting a brand new person – but also cozy and mine. Eventually they take her and she’s 8lbs 3oz. Her Apgar scores are 9s. She’s absolutely perfect. She nurses for almost an hour and is a total natural. I am absolutely, completely in love…  

Another “Calm Before”

The last time I published on the blog was last July – specifically July 9, 2017 – 2 days after Colt’s 4th birthday. His birthday was also the day that I found out I was pregnant with Baby #3. We weren’t planning on getting pregnant again for another 6 months, so it was quite the surprise. We left the morning after his birthday for Vail and by the time we got back home the morning sickness started to set in and between the pregnancy and the two boys I just haven’t had capacity to do the blog since.

And now, here I am, over 8 months later, sitting in that incredibly unique moment in time where I know I am within days of meeting this new baby, welcoming her into the world, into our family, into our home and into our everyday lives. Right now everything feels so calm and steady, but with every cramp and contraction I feel, I am keenly aware that it’s all about to change.

In some ways, this season is hard. I am SO eager to meet this girl and am totally ready for her to come. I’ll be 39 weeks in 3 days so it could be hours, days or even weeks. It feels impossible not to obsess over every little thing happening in my body and hard to think or talk about anything else. I would be over the moon if I went into labor…right now!

But at the same time this season is so sweet and I am not sure I’m ready to let it go. This could very well be our last baby and there is just nothing like the anticipation of waiting to meet your new, tiny treasure. There’s nothing like seeing that little face and holding that little bundle for the first time. So I’m cherishing and relishing in this moment. And on top of all this, these final days are also our last days as a family of 4 – the close of this chapter for our family. And what a sweet chapter it has been! I am certainly not eager for it to end. 

Sitting here now, I think back to how I felt waiting on Fincher. His arrival set into motion the season that I still think of as “the storm.” “The storm” is one of the reasons we wanted to wait a little bit longer to have a third baby – we just went through so many life-changes in such a short time. But, by God’s grace, we have now truly settled into our life here in Arlington. We love our house, our neighborhood, our preschool, our parks, our church, our community, Michael’s job, his commute…our life here. Praise be to God, He has shown us so much kindness in His provision for us here. And so we feel His hand carrying us into this new season that we are about to embark on. More adventure, more opportunity to trust the Lord and watch Him work!

Oh, and I turn 31 tomorrow too! Here’s to a new and exciting year ahead!

Happy Birthday Colt! 4 Years.

Colt Developments: Colt, you are SO sweet, SO cute and you amaze your dad and me each day. It blows my mind that another year has already passed.

You’ve grown so much this year. Probably the biggest change was that last September, you started going to preschool. You did 3-morning/3’s so on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday you were at school from 9:15-12:50. Although it took a little adjusting (probably for me more than anyone!), I can count on 1 hand the number of times your teachers said that any tears were shed. And a couple of those times were from falling down while climbing a tree which I count as a win anyway! I loved watching you grow in confidence as you built friendships with other sweet kids and grow in independence as you realized that you can have fun and learn apart from your family. 

Your favorite thing to do right now is to color. You want a plain white piece of paper and markers, and you can sit at a table and color for hours each day. It’s a great outlet for your creativity and a way to express things that you’re excited about or learning about at the moment. You will draw everything from the solar system to donuts and cakes to the backyard to the park we just visited to a spider in a web after watching a TV show about spiders to our family at a beach to Noah’s Arc. It is so much fun to get to know you better through this expression. You also use your art as a way to show others that you care for them. Just a minute ago you led me upstairs to my room where you had just taped a picture on the wall for me as a “surprise” which had “a pattern of rainbows and hearts and a pony.” Also, the whole picture is drawn on one side of the paper but the pony has a tail on the back! Ha! I love how your sweet mind works. You love drawing pictures for other people, using their favorite colors and including things they love. And you’ve started folding paper to make “books” that you color and were very excited when I showed you that we can staple paper together to make bigger books! You will draw different story-lines — a cheetah chasing a zebra then catching the zebra, etc.

Your favorite topic right now is outer space. You say you want to be an astronaut and your favorite cartoon is Ready Jet Go but you’re just as happy to watch Cosmos on the Discovery Channel or something if it’s about outer space. When you are around my dad, the two of you sit cuddled up for hours reading through his astronomy magazines, your astronomy books, watching videos and talking about it all. You color the planets, you make the solar system out of play-doh, and the one thing you asked for as a birthday gift was a puzzle of outer space. You wanted it to have the whole universe but we opted for just the solar system. I learn new things from you all the time. What are the dwarf planets? How many moons does Jupiter have? Which planets are terrestrial and which are the gas giants? What are Saturns rings and what is the Big Red Spot on Jupiter? 

Since we were heading out to Colorado the day after your 4th birthday, we decided to move the party to August and combine it with Finn’s upcoming 2nd birthday. But, for your actual birthday we went to the Air & Space museum and all of your gifts were outer space themed. You are so sweet and could not have been happier. 

Beyond outer space, you love to learn. You got really interested in animal speeds and constantly asked us how fast different animals can run. We finally made a chart of some animals and their speeds for you to reference on your own and it was also a good reading tool. If you asked us how fast a tiger could run I’d send you to your chart and you could figure out which was “Tiger” etc.

You love to learn about all sorts of topics though. You love maps and geography and love looking at the radar maps via weather.com on my phone. (No, seriously.) If I start talking to you about another culture or about how babies start out really tiny or about how a flower grows, you get so drawn in and will always say, “Can you please tell me more about that.”

For your age, I think you’re really good at reading. You can sound out most simple, 3-letter words (can, bug, hit, sad, pen, hop, etc.). We will sit down with “Green Eggs and Ham” and the combination of your reading, recognizing the letters and words plus your familiarity with the book allows you to basically read it. You take much more time though, and have to figure out each word, so by about page 20 you get tired and ask me to take over. Anytime we’re reading though I try to underline or point out several words that you have to read so that we can do it together.

Spelling is similar but needs a little more assistance. If I ask you to spell the word, “hop” I have to say the word, get you to say it, then help you isolate the individual sounds (especially middle sounds or vowels).

You write a little but have not taken an interest in learning how to properly form letters. You might end up with a letter that looks like an “A” but you probably wrote it going right-to-left or something. Anytime a workbook has space to practice proper handwriting, you are open to tracing and copying letters but don’t like having to go about it the correct way. On the one hand I don’t want you to be learning incorrectly or picking up bad habits but on the other hand…you’re 4 so I’m not pushing “proper handwriting” on you. 

You love to ride your scooter and are really good. You wiz down hills at top speed and wave your legs around just showing off. You’re also a very fast runner. You claim that you can run 107 miles/per/hour and while I’m not quite buying that, you can speed. You and Finn will race over and over across our backyard and I love watching you two. You have a good kick for soccer but don’t like any sort of physical confrontation with other kids so that works against you. You have a great swing for baseball and continue to bat lefty and you love to hit the ball then run the bases. (Somehow all of your hits are home runs…) 

**OK – I just asked you what you’d like to do most-least of these 4 different scenarios and here is what you chose:
1) Sit in a class and learn from a teacher all about outer space. (I literally said this word-for-word in a monotone voice and it still elicited a huge excited reaction from you…)
2) Go to art class and learn how to draw animals.
3) Go to baseball class and practice hitting and running the bases.
4) Go to music class and try playing different instruments like drums, piano or guitar.

Are these answers typical?? I don’t necessarily think so but I adore you exactly as you are. And this is where we are extra lucky to have your brother Finn. He helps to keep our days a little more interesting and active. Not because Finn is a star athlete or anything (actually he has yet to really show us much coordination, ha) but he just plays with you so differently than I do each day. You two mix it up a lot more. You wrestle and chase and jump and throw water and LAUGH LAUGH LAUGH. You are best best friends. 

Your humor is FULL-ON little-boy humor. Every time we are going somewhere or having company over we remind you that we don’t make potty/stinky/etc. jokes with other people. You and Finn though will just laugh about “stinky poopoo” for days. 

Otherwise you love going to parks, playing outside, swimming, playing with friends, going on adventures, building things with blocks, tiles or legos. You and your dad have a sweet thing where you make up stories for each other. You will pick 3 things (i.e. a rocket ship, a pool and a zebra) and he will make up a story for you using all 3. And then you always like to have him choose 3 things and you tell a story back to him. Your stories are SO cute and funny and clever. Love your little mind, Colt! 

Anytime that you can see rainbows – even just the light streaming in our house through a window that creates a “rainbow” on the floor – you exclaim that “God and Jesus are here!” You are sweet sweet sweet, kind, compassionate and really well behaved / obedient. You’re still a young boy so of course you’re not perfect but I would definitely say you’re a rule-follower. And you do sweet things every day that just melt my heart. You love snuggles, hugs and kisses. If Mom and Dad are sleeping in on a weekend and are still in bed when your clock turns yellow (8am) then you’ll come climb in our bed and rub our backs and sing us songs. Yes, really. You are a humbling example of grace and forgiveness too. You have taught me so much about keeping no record of wrongs. Colt, I am so thankful for you, my angel. 

Health: Praise the Lord you continue to be perfectly healthy – still no sicknesses!
You’re around 36-37 lbs, just over 41″ tall and you’re just moving into 4T clothes, 5T PJs.
You wear pull-ups at night and although I haven’t even considered trying to train you for nights, about 30% of the time you will wake up dry in the morning anyway.
You have beautiful teeth and the most handsome, big brown eyes I have ever seen. 

Eating: Family dinners was the best thing that ever happened to your eating habits. When we lived in Brazil, your dad was rarely able to make it home by your dinner time, so I would feed you your dinner then make an adult dinner for us to have after you went to bed. Occasionally there was overlap in what we ate but I largely made you “kid-food” that would be healthy but still easy enough to give you. Last summer your dad’s schedule changed and Finn was also a part of our dinner-time so we switched gears to family dinners where we all eat the same thing. If we are having something you don’t like (sweet potatoes, mushrooms, brussel sprouts, asparagus) I’ll make sure that you have a substitute option but you still try a bite or 2 of everything. This has really changed how you view food. You aren’t immediately as scared off by something that looks “weird” because you eat “weird grownup” food every day. Your favorite things are still typical of a 4yo but I have no complaints about how you eat.

Mama: My treasure, Colt. You have my whole heart. Every day I look at your sweet face and am in awe that you are real and that you are mine. I absolutely treasure your heart and your presence and your being. Thank you for the kindness that you extend to your family every day, thank you for the laughter you bring, thank you for the fun and joy and light that you are. We are so blessed by you. 

As I watch your heart and mind get captivated by different things (from kicking balls to the story of the 3 little pigs to animal speeds to collecting sticks to now art and outer space), I pray that your heart and mind will ultimately be captivated by God and the greatest love story and rescue story of Jesus Christ. I pray that God will open your eyes to see what is most real. To see that the greatest adventure you can experience in this life is to walk into the call that He has on your life. That the greatest challenges you can encounter come in efforts to walk faithfully beside Him. That a life lived in relationship with God, bought by the sacrifice of Jesus and through the gift of the Spirit, is not boring or dull. No! It is where the fullest measure of joy and adventure and TRUTH lie waiting. It is wild and exciting and REAL. I pray you will see this real-ness in our lives, and that you will know how to sift out the fake from the real. Everything else is either a dim light or worse, a sham and a distortion. Seek truth, my love. This is my deepest hope for you Culhane. I love you.